Feeling Like a Big Dump

So I got dumped....AGAIN! Surprise , surprise. Apparently you can't tame this bear. It's been a good ride though I must say. I got to live in Charlotte, NC for 11 months. We dated 6 out of 9 months long distance so I got the best of both worlds: drinking like a baffoon and having a cute, trustworthy boyfriend.

Now it's time to start all over again, but there's something refreshing (albeit sprinkled with involuntary bouts of uncontrollable sobbing) about being newly single. You remember all the fucking awesome friends you have. You also remember what daylight looks like. Spending every waking (and not waking) hour with someone makes you miss out on a lot of things you used to do and have. For instance, the first night of my singlehood, I went out and got hamboned wasted with old friends and got hit on by an in-the-closet gay guy. If I had had a boyfriend, I may never have had the opportunity to help this young, confused man to see his true calling towards glittery, banana hammocks as a permanent lifestyle.

Also, I get the chance to rekindle my love for Rose, Blanche, Sophia and Dorothy, those crazy old coots. I have the privilege of watching mini marathons of their AARP x2 moments in the wee hours of the morning. I've learned many a lesson from good ol' Blanche and her whore-y antics. Carrie Bradshaw's got nothing on that old bag.

I think the most bizarre thing to get used to is being able to check out other guys and actually have the ability to act on my carnal instincts. It's like shopping for puppies! Now that I'm working in a bar, the men seem to coming in droves. I think *everyone* may have gotten the memo that I'm newly detached. My brother's old coworker from a restaurant stumbled into my bar, drunk as a skunk, and asked me what I thought about short guys. Seeing as I'm 5'7" lots of guys are short to me especially since I occasionally like to don a pair of pumps when my anti-masculine side finds its way out of my closet.

But overall, the best part about being single is not having to answer to ANYONE. I get to scream things in public like, "OMIGOD, HER BUTT IS DISGUSTING!!" without repercussions from my significant other. If I want to do a cartwheel in the middle of a crowded street, I will!

Though he will be missed, I get to have at least one more hoorah before I have to calculate consequences for my actions (of course those just shy of illegal).

Funny Mom Moment:

Me: 'Mom, you have got to put out some more. Dad's attitude is just awful.'
Mom: 'You have NO idea how much I put out. Maybe you should start looking for an apartment for both of us.'

Haha.....ew